I didn’t go to Buffalo Wild Wings that Monday thinking anything unusual would happen. It was just a regular afternoon, and I wanted to grab dinner with my friend. But the second we walked in, I could tell something was off.
The staff members were wishing “Happy Easter” to most of the customers — but not us. I noticed one server kept giving us dirty looks and whispering to her co-workers.
Later, I got up to use the women’s restroom. And that’s when everything changed.
Now, I’m nervous every time I walk into a public bathroom.
The same server who’d been staring at us came into the bathroom, banged on my stall door and started yelling that I was a man and needed to get out. I felt trapped. I was confused and scared, and my heart was pounding. Unsure of what else to do, I ended up unzipping my hoodie to show I had breasts (I did have a T-shirt on). After rolling her eyes, she walked out. After that she left me alone, and the manager came and served us. No apology, nothing. (Requests for comment by MSNBC to Inspire Brands, which owns Buffalo Wild Wings, went unanswered. MSNBC also attempted to contact the local franchise branch, and did not receive a response.)
I’m a biracial lesbian. I have short hair and dress in a way some people would call masculine. Honestly, I’m used to being stared at or whispered about in bathrooms and other spaces. It has happened more times than I can count. But this was different. It was scary. It was humiliating. And now, I’m nervous every time I walk into a public bathroom. I worry something like this is going to happen again. My family worries, too.
After dinner, I went home and told my family what happened. They were outraged. My stepmom posted about it on Facebook — and it quickly blew up. Many people commented on her post and messaged her about how they’ve experienced harassment like I did, or have a friend or family member who has. Some people sent us really hateful messages. That was really hard.
I realized it’s not just me. This is a huge problem and what’s happening to people in bathrooms is wrong. That’s why I decided to speak up.
My stepmom reached out to Gender Justice, a nonprofit law firm that fights for people. I learned that here in Minnesota, it’s illegal to discriminate against LGBTQ+ people in public spaces like restaurants and bathrooms. They helped me file a discrimination charge with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights. We want Buffalo Wild Wings to acknowledge what happened and that it was wrong. We’re asking Buffalo Wild Wings to take accountability, and to do better. We also want people to see how bad it is when people decide to police who belongs in a bathroom.
Honestly, I don’t like thinking or talking about what happened. It makes me anxious to have to relive it. But I wanted to share my story because I think it’s important to stand up for what’s right. I don’t want other people to feel alone if it happens to them. I want people to know it’s OK to stick up for themselves. I want them to know it’s OK to be who you are.
No one should be put in that position. I was just going to the bathroom … in America, a country that prides itself on its rights to individual liberty and privacy.
It’s my hope that by telling my story, Americans will recognize that this is in fact happening in our country — and that it could keep happening unless they use their voices to demand this invasive bigotry stops.
