Divorce has a way of eroding women’s confidence, distorting identity, and making the future feel uncertain.
For Sue Zarco Kramer, that emotional free fall wasn’t just personal — it became the unlikely foundation of a new calling. Today, Kramer is known as “The Divorcee Doula,” an expert for women navigating the raw, disorienting terrain of life after divorce and helping them reclaim what she calls their “zhoosh” — that spark of confidence, sensuality, and self-worth that often gets lost along the way.
A proud Latina filmmaker, Brooklyn-based writer/director, and branding entrepreneur, Kramer didn’t set out to become a post-divorce coach or confidante. Her path began with storytelling—with a short film in 2023 that was born out of her own post-divorce dating journals. “Swipe NYC,” a fictionalized version of Kramer’s life starring Lisa Edelstein, chronicled her plunge into the bewildering, awkward, and sometimes absurd world of online dating after divorce.
Kramer explained to Know Your Value that the film struck a nerve, sweeping film festivals nationwide and opening a floodgate Kramer never anticipated: women lining up to tell her, “That’s me” – and asking how they too could write their next chapter.
That’s where The Divorcee Doula was born. Through wardrobe edits, beauty makeovers, narrative coaching, dating guidance, and emotional support, Kramer now helps women not just survive divorce, but step boldly into what comes next.
Kramer chatted with Know Your Value about how her work began, why divorce hits women so hard, and what she believes every woman deserves to know before, during, and after the end of a marriage.
The conversation, which is below, has been edited for brevity and clarity.
Know Your Value: Tell us how “the Divorcee Doula” started.
Sue Zarco Kramer: “…I made a film two years ago, a short, called “Swipe NYC”, starring Lisa Edelstein, that basically plays me. It’s a fictionalized version of me, and it’s based on my dating journals. It’s based on me jumping into really deep water, not knowing how to swim, going into the dating circuit of dating apps, and not knowing what the heck I was doing.
So, I made a journal. Every night. I would go on a date, and I’d come back, and I’d write a journal
…So, I made this film based on my journals. And it became a nationwide film festival hit. We won tons of awards. And what happened was I got this enormous amount of people writing to me and lining up at festivals saying, “I’m a divorcee. You’re like the Carrie Bradshaw of real divorcees.”
And then one time, a woman wrote to me, and she said, could I work with you? Could you take me out … and style me, and give me some zhoosh that you have … And I was like, “I would love that.”
And after that day, she said: ‘You know what you are? You’re the Divorcee Doula. You’re not just somebody who’s helping women, you’re doing it all. You’re helping women rebirth.’ And at that point, which was one year ago, exactly, we’re at my one-year anniversary, I launched the Divorcee Doula.
Know Your Value: You talk a lot about the importance of women “getting their ‘zhoosh’ back.” Why do so many women lose it?
Kramer: So many women lose their ‘zhoosh’ for many reasons—it’s not just divorce. We can lose our ‘zhoosh’ from a job, from burnout, from a relationship, from a family situation.
…Divorce is a killer. It takes your self-esteem away. It takes your confidence away. And so, getting your ‘zhoosh’ back, which is my motto and my aim, is to really bring that energy back up to women, and show them their value, and show them their worth, and show them that there’s so much more to come.
I’m in the best chapter of my life, and I’m divorced. So, I’m here to be a testament to that.
Know Your Value: What’s the first step to getting your groove back?
Kramer: …One of the first things I do is go through your closet. Many divorced women lose weight and then hide in their bigger clothes. I say, if it’s not a nine or a ten, it goes. We’re going to give it to somebody who needs it.
And then we do a shopping day, and we buy clothes that look amazing… and I take them to [places like] Bobbi Brown’s Jones Road. [Bobbi] has been my first ambassador … Jones Road is all about reinvention, and looking your best self, looking your natural best self.
…That’s the kind of the stylistic part of it. But more importantly is my narrative work. I work with people on a daily or a weekly basis …
And we do an hour of narrative work, where I bring people through what is their next chapter. And we start writing the story together… Their mantra might be negative words like “My marriage failed. I’m never going to meet anybody. I’m 50, it’s all over.”
I’m here to rewrite that story with them, and to show them that the best is yet to come. Those were chapters that are part of your life, but the next chapters can be even more amazing.
Know Your Value: What’s the biggest myth about divorce?
Kramer: Divorce is a grieving period. It’s a death. I think what people don’t know is how much grief you’re going through. People will say, “You look great! You’re better off!” But that’s often a defense system.
…There’s so much grief, and you have to process it before you can get your zhoosh back and your confidence back.
Know Your Value: What do women wish they knew sooner?
Kramer: I think women stay too long in a marriage because of children.
Many women will say, “I can’t leave because of the children” even if they find out there’s infidelity. They will often keep their spouse because they don’t want to break up a marriage or a family. And the truth is that families come in many different packages. I am a single mom now, I have a daughter, she’s thriving.
…It was not easy. I am never going to tell anyone it’s easy. It’s really, really hard. But my greatest advice is surround yourself with a great support system.
…My friendships are my family. My family is my family, and my daughter is my family, and that brings me a really rich life, and I have a career, and I travel, and I do all the things
I think [people who are in a bad marriage and considering divorce] think that their life is going to end. And that is not true. I am here to tell women there is so much more to come. Chapter four, five, and six out of every novel is some of the greatest pages of a novel. Trust me, these pages are to come, and they are filled with rich experiences. Experiences that you never dreamed of in your marriage. Freedom that you never dreamed of in your marriage. Empowerment that you never dreamed of in your marriage.
It is so empowering to say, “I’m doing this on my own terms. I know my value. I know my worth.”
Know Your Value staff